The Internet

I know what you're thinking. You're thinking "whoah!"

But it's true. I invented the internet.




After I invented all computers, I realized that they were essentially useless, and just big ugly calculators. I needed a way to get those computers talking to each other, like 6 "friends" that hang around in a coffee shop and share life lessons. Only instead of friends, there would be computers...and instead of 6, there would be 6 billion...and instead of coffee, there would be cups and cups full of fetish websites and beanie-baby auctions...and instead of life lessons, people would share stolen mp3's and pictures of Pamela Anderson's supple breasts (which I also invented, but that's for a later post).

I had a great idea, all I needed were the skills and money to turn it into a great thought.

After I spent all of my skills and money, there it was: The Internet.

Now you're asking yourself: "If you invented the internet, why aren't you a billion-aire with a fancy hat and a flying limousine?"

I'll answer your question with another question: "If you invented the internet, why aren't you a billion-aire with a fancy hat and a flying limousine? Mind your own business!"

Next time on Things "I" Invented: Applesauce

Welcome

Greetings and welcome to Things "I" Invented.

I created this blog to share "my" inventions with the world. I was inspired to create this blog after creating "my" other innumerable blogs, all of which "I" own.

Things you need to know to read further:
-Assume for the purposes of this blog that every time I say "I", I mean I.

-In fact, any time I use any self-referential pronouns like "I" or "me"
or possessive pronouns like "mine", "my", "hers"/"his" that I mean I, me, mine, my, hers, or his respectively.

-"I" have invented or will invent almost everything, but for legal reasons cannot take credit for individually packaged cheese slices or Russia.